THE NIGHTMARE OF THE NEW YEARS RESOLUTION REVISITED!!

Get out your bats cuz there's a dead bloated horse in a field somewhere, and apparently he needs a whoopin!! Calm down man! It's just a saying...

Right around January 15th the vast majority of all those poor souls seeking redemption in their New Year's Resolutions, WILL FAIL!! Why? Most will chalk this up to crap will power, or that they are just a bad person (kidding). Is that really the case? Or is this just poor planning, bad decision making, and non existent habit forming at their worst?

First of all...DO NOT TAKE YOUR DECISION MAKING LIGHTLY! Too often we throw decisions around without ever really intending on following through. That's really not a decision at all, it's more like a desperate plea to yourself that you know you will later smack down once you enter the ice cream aisle at the store!

Let's be perfectly clear here...If you are going to make a decision...MAKE ONE! Draw a line in the sand and declare it to yourself. "This is what I am going to do, and I am committed to seeing it through"!

To do this you will need to ask yourself some important questions. It is EXTREMELY important that you write this out, thinking about it isn't enough! After all, just thinking about things hasn't served you very well in the past now has it? Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this. You need to write out a vivid and imaginative story about the what, why, and how you plan on achieving your goal...Um I said write it out...WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR PEN AND PAPER!

1. What is my goal?

Loads of people mess this one up! Most of us will say something really vague like..."I want to lose weight". OMG, you are so doomed to fail! (ok maybe that was a little too much). Instead, be specific, "I am going to lose ten pounds in a month". Notice the "going to" not "want to"...You made a decision, you signed on the dotted line! There is no plan B or backpedaling here!

2. Why do I want to do this?

I think a lot of people believe this step to be completely unnecessary. After all, who cares why? You just want to get there right? Without this step, your decision will be completely ungrounded with no foundation. No foundation means you won't succeed. After the newness and excitement wears off, this is what you will fall back on to keep you moving forward.

3. How am I going to make my dream happen?

Again, most people will be vague and say something like, "I'm going to lose weight by going to the gym and eating well". Really? Do you know how to workout? Do you understand what eating well means? If the answer is no, go get a professional and they can help you write out a game plan. This step will quite possibly be the most detailed part of this whole process, it should look like turn by turn directions that you would use on a trip across the country.  This step would cover:

•Your complete workout plan on a daily, weekly, and yearly level.

•Complete nutritional program, including scheduled free meals.

•Scheduled rest days and weeks.

•Detailed recovery program (things you are doing outside of the gym to recover from your workouts like Stretching, foam rolling, and meditation or activities that help you unwind).

GET YOUR MIND RIGHT!

Let's talk about mindset a little more. You gotta get you mind right if you ever hope to have a chance at making this a reality. It isn't just a matter of semantics, the mindset "BECAUSE I WANT TO" has a lot more power than "because I have to". The first is an empowering statement! The second sounds more like enslavement...IT DOES MATTER how you view your challenges!

FLEXING YOUR DECISION MAKING MUSCLES!

As with most every virtuous trait, strong decision making skills are something that take practice. If all of this seems overwhelming, start small. Set one daily goal...write it out, get a freakin goals journal! Now clearly and specifically declare the goal you will achieve. Good, your goal is locked in. Next write out 20 steps you will take to make said goal happen...Yes twenty! It is often said that the 20th step is the "breakthrough" step! So please, if you are serious, DO THE EXERCISE IN FULL!

If all of this seems too extreme for you, then ask yourself one more question. "DO I REALLY WANT THIS"? Because if you do...This is your road map. If you don't, you might as well grab a doughnut, and curl up in a corner somewhere and let life pass you by.

I really hope I have shed some light on the weight and power of decision making. If you respect the process and are diligent, you will achieve your goal! Just remember, there will be stumbles and falls, successful people learn to bounce back, they don't break.



If you need help, the world is literally at your fingertips! And yes, you can always come to me for advice. I will do my best to share my wisdom...or at the very least, point you in the right direction.      

HELL YES I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN PROGRAMS!

Oh man, I'm bouts to spit some mad truths about how to design your own damn workout training programs!!

ACUTE VARIABLES

No this is not a horrible disease that will make you bleed out of all of your orifices, this is the single most fundamental component of program design!

So what are they and how do you use them? Well it goes a little something like this...

 
*Repetitions

*Sets

*Training intensity

*Repetition tempo

*Training volume

*Rest interval

*Training frequency

*Training duration

*Exercise selection

"Sweet lord! That is a big list"! Well Steve, how the hell else am I going to explain this in excruciating detail? EH HEM (clearing my throat an putting on my super smart professors spectacles).

REPETITIONS

A repetition or rep, is one complete movement of an exercise (squat down and back up = one rep). You will use reps in conjunction with repetition tempo (which we will talk about in a minute) to adjust the "time under tension" (how long it takes you to complete reps and sets). How many reps you do has a direct effect on how the body is going to adapt to your training stimulus. Here is a list of reps you will want to use for specific results.

Muscular endurance: 12-20 reps 

Hypertrophy (muscle growth): 6-12 reps

Max strength: 1-5 reps

Power: 1-10 reps

 All of this is centered around a big scary phrase called "the law of specificity" I know I know...it hurts. Basically this law states that the body will adapt specifically to the demands you place on it. Of course there is some debate on this but, in general you don't get big muscles by doing endless sets of high repetition exercise, in the same way you wouldn't do super low reps with heavy weight if you are trying to increase your muscular endurance. TRAIN FOR WHAT YOU WANT. Don't just go to the gym and bag out reps without any kind of plan. This law also explains why you can't just jump on a treadmill and get "toned" as people so often like to say...because they normally have minimal muscle under their fat. Therefore the treadmill only serves to make them more skinny, WHICH IS DEFINITELY NOT "TONED".

SETS

A set is a group of consecutive repetitions. Here is where you are really going to start understanding program design. ALL of "the laws of specificity"directly effect one another and will guide you on how to tweak them. The specific adjustments of sets in relation to reps is as follows...

*Muscular endurance: 1-3 sets of 12-20 reps

*Hypertrophy (muscle growth): 3-5 sets of 6-12 reps

*Maximal strength: 4-6 sets of 1-5 reps

*Power: 3-6 sets of 1-10 reps

Do you see how the number of reps directly effects the number of sets you will perform based on your desired outcome? In general, the higher the reps the lower the amount of sets you will perform, which will keep you in the optimal stimulus range for how you would like your body to adapt.

Please note: Generally, the higher the reps in each category the lower the number of sets. Example:
For hypertrophy most people would not want to do 5 sets of 12 reps...it would look more like 5 sets of 6-8 reps or 3sets of 10-12 reps. 

INTENSITY

With regard to working out, this word is thrown around like a carton of eggs in the hands of Justin Bieber at his neighbors house. So let me explain what I am referring to when I say "intensity" in this article. 

Intensity: An individuals level of effort compared to their maximal effort. Meaning?? The amount of weight you are going to use compared to your one rep max (1RM). Don't know your 1RM? Not to worry! Just pick a weight that you know you will fail with by the time you have reached your target rep range...Easy as pie right? No nerds or calculators required! Just to be clear...Intensity is referring to the amount of weight used.

As you have probably guessed, your sets and reps will directly effect the intensity (weight) being used. And because my fingers are not yet bloody stumps from all of the typing here you go...

*Muscular endurance: 1-3 sets of 12-20 reps @ 50-70% 1RM

*Hypertrophy (muscle growth): 3-5 sets of 6-12 reps @ 75-85% 1RM

*Maximal strength: 4-6 sets of 1-5 reps @ 85-100% 1RM

*Power: 3-6 sets of 1-10 reps @ 30-45% 1RM

Again (now I'm starting to sound like a broken record) intensity is intimately effected by ALL other variables!

REPETITION TEMPO 

This one seems pretty unimportant, but ignoring this one is like telling your annoying younger brother that he can't play super ninjas with you and your buddies...Cuz you know he's going to go tell mom, and you know, pissed off mom is gonna kill the fun. Sure she won't squash the good times forever, but it's defiantly going to delay your accent up the side of Mt. Moshimoto in search of your ultimate ninja power....

At least a few of you have to be shaking their heads on that one LOL!

Ok what I mean is, not taking advantage of seemingly unimportant variables like this will only slow your progress, and besides...who doesn't want to be a super ninja? (ok,ok, I got off topic again).

The list below will be labeled as follows...The eccentric portion or negative (when doing a biceps curl the eccentric portion of the lift is when you lower the bar down) will be represented by the first number. The second number will be representing the isometric portion of the lift (when you are holding the bar at the top of a biceps curl, called an isometric contraction). finally the third number represents the concentric or positive portion of the lift, (curling the weight up).

*Muscular endurance: 4/2/1

*Hypertrophy (muscle growth:2/0/2

*Maximal strength: As fast as can be safely controlled

*Power: As fast as can be safely controlled

REST INTERVAL

This one should be a no brainer, even for you Steve. The rest interval is the time you take between sets. This one needs very little explanation...JUST DO WHAT I SAY...(kidding...kind of).

*Muscular endurance: 0-90 seconds

*Hypertrophy (muscles growth): 0-60 seconds

*Maximal strength: 3-5 minutes

*Power: 3-5 minutes 

TRAINING VOLUME

"Training volume" is the total amount of work performed during a workout (total number of repetitions).
The most important thing to consider with volume, is that you can't sustain high volume with high intensity for extended periods of time. Otherwise you run the risk of injury or dare I say it...OVER TRAINING! So if you are really pounding say 90% your 1RM for 50 total reps per exercise, you won't be able to keep that up without injury or burnout. I'm not going to list the volumes as they are already incorporated into the lists above.

"Oh feeeeeewww! The windbag is finally done ranting!

NO I'M FREAKIN NOT STEVE!

TRAINING DURATION

Here is yet another variable that is pretty straight forward, it can refer to two things...

*Total amount of time spent during workout (excluding warm up/cool down).

*Length of time spent in a training phase

Workouts in general shouldn't exceed 60-90 min. 

For the most part, training phases last around 4 weeks. A training phase is a set weekly workout plan that outlines how you are going to use the acute variables over those four weeks. Once your body stops responding, this is the time to change something to keep getting results. 

The most awesomely bad mistake most people have around program design is changing all of the variables all at once, or jumping all over the place, doing different workouts every week or worse...every time they hit the gym. Why is this bad??? For one, this makes it very difficult to track progress. And two, the old adage "If it isn't broke, don't fix it". If the plan you are using is getting results, stick with it until progress stops! 

Almost nothing pisses me off more than this "TOTAL BODY CONFUSION" craze with a different workout every day, with some dude on a video screaming at you on a dvd to punch the air in your living room. Guess what? That dude on the video probably didn't get that body by doing what he's telling you to do... 

EXERCISE SELECTION

Ok fine, I'll wrap this up! Obviously you need to choose exercises that fit the goals you want to achieve. However, I am a big believer in sticking to compound free weight exercises that train movements, not individual muscles. examples:

*Dead-lift

*Squats

*Bent rows

*Bench press

*Pull ups

*Dips

In conclusion...Don't be a stupid head, stick to a plan and workout intelligently!

Forget New Years resolutions. Let's set REAL goals!

Ah yes...Once again we find ourselves in a new year, and along with this new year comes the somewhat puzzling tradition of the "New Years resolution". The reason I find this to be such an odd phenomenon is this...

These goals are normally some of the most ambitious and life changing achievements out there, but they are also some of the worst planned for. People use the New Year like a light switch. "Well the New Year is here...I'm gonna stop smoking even though I have no idea how". My buddy Steve says. For real Steve? As though the mere seconds that divide the fading darkness of 2013 from this hopeful 2014 year, hold some kind of magical will power for all who dream up achievements of grandeur and praise? 

Honestly I applaud your desire to better yourself, community or planet but...

And this it a HUGE BUT! (I said huge but LOL). I am a big believer that if a goal is worth achieving, and if it's that important to you...YOU NEED TO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND START NOW! Don't wait weeks or months to do something you know you should be doing RIGHT NOW! I really mean that. If you have a goal in mind right now, get up, grab a pen and paper, and write out how you will accomplish said goal. Use detail. 

For example:

Let's say that our buddy Steve would like to be able to deadlift 500 lbs. If Steve can only deadlift 200 lbs right now, this seems like an insane and lofty goal for my scronny little sidekick. So let's break it down into more digestible pieces...

To start, let's break that 500 lb number into four chunks. Our four goals will be:

275 lbs

350 lbs

425 lbs

500 lbs

These are mile markers toward our monumental 500. But they really just show you that it's possible, they don't really tell you how to get there. So let's break this down even further.

Let's set a goal of adding 5 lbs to Steve's deadlift every week (which btw is very achievable). That's 20 lbs per month!

At this rate you will see a 300 lb gain in 15 months! 

Now obviously you can't just add weight every week. There will be weeks of distraction, sickness, strength plateaus, vacations and other out of gym obligations so...I would add a 2 month buffer to the end of that, for a grand total of 17 months! 

Please note that To make this happen Steve would have to be at the top of his game. Nutrition, rehab, and complementary exercises would all have to be perfect. But that's a whole other article. 



If you are still confused, let me simplify it:

Goal: 500 lbs deadlift

Current deadlift weight: 200 lbs

Poundage needed to reach goal:300 lbs (200+300=500 lbs)

Mile markers: 

275 lbs @ 17 weeks

350 lbs @ 34 weeks

425 lbs @ 51 weeks

500 lbs @ 68 weeks

68 weeks = 17 months. Remember the wiggle room?

Weekly goal: 5 lbs


•In this example we figured out a REALISTIC goal. 

•We figured out a REALISTIC timeline to achieve that goal.

•We created mile markers of achievement on the road to our goal.

•Finally we created turn by turn directions (weekly 5 lb goal) to get to our goal. 



So you can see, that with a well thought out plan, you don't have to fall victim to the dreaded failures of drunken empty promises you keep making to yourself once per year...every year...since you started participating in this backward tradition. It's as easy as a piece of gluten free Paleo pie!

I'll leave you with an analogy from a very smart man:

Nobody ever sits in their backyard wishing for a garden. It's common knowledge that it will take some work to create it. You have to prepare soil, plant seeds, water, pull weeds, and protect your fragile plants. 

Yet when it comes to other aspirations in life, it seems that most people will sit on their couch wishing, hoping, and wondering "Why won't my dreams come true? Why won't a million dollars just fall into my lap"? The answer? BECAUSE IT TAKES WORK. Wishing doesn't make reality... ACTION DOES! (Loosely quoted from Jeff Gogue). 


P.S. I know there is a Keyboard Warrior out there right now eating Cheetos and sucking down a 2 liter of soda going "500 lbs is nothing, I just watched a guy on You tube deadlifting 1000". I know it's not smart guy... this is just an example.

TEN MINUTES OF HELL WOULD DO YOU WELL

  You just got done slaying your workout.  PR's were hit, weights were demolished, and in your wake lay crumbled hunks of iron an shreds of callused skin that where lost in battle. Your shins bleed from a deadlift that would make any normal man cry. As you hacked your way through set after relentless set, your pride...your inner beast grow stronger and stronger. That beast is thirsty for more. One glance into the mirror reveals this inner monster. He stares back at you coldly laughing at your bodies pain. So you nod... "Ok, one more set". But you and the beast both know that this phrase will be repeated over and over again... It is the mantra that pushes you forward, at times it grabs you by the collar and drags you across the workout floor..."One more set". The beast is lying to you, we both know he has no intention of allowing you to leave this dungeon walking upright..."Just one more set" he says, more like 100.

 Finally this antagonist grows bored of your suffering and releases his grip. For the moment your payment of sweat and blood have appeased his thirst. Or so you thought.

"Shit"... you forgot about the treadmills you must crawl past on your way out of this place.

"No I'm good, I did enough". You plead to this menace. But his voice grows louder and louder...Eventually, its thundering through your mind bouncing off the walls of your skull..."What about the cardio fat boy"?

You've got to be kidding yourself if you think you're going to mail in some half assed jog at this point. I mean look at the ferocity we just attacked those weights with. Besides, the beast is too smart for that game. He knows thirty minutes of cardio will only undo everything he just forced out of you.

"So what the hell do you want me to do"?

Silently you stand there gripping the wall for support awaiting his reply.

"Ten minutes". He answers. 

Ten minutes of heart pounding ballistic nitro charged war. So what do you do? You stair across the cardio floor scanning the equipment. 

"Just pick one"! He demands. "I don't care which one you pick...bike, step mill, tread mill, rowing machine". 

So you climb onto a bike, set your Tabata timer and crank the intensity all the way up. Soon you are blasting through 20 sec bouts of all out effort followed by 10 sec of rest to catch your breath. 

Before you know it the ten minutes is up. And the best part... "you know who"...is silent, he has nothing more to say. Time to go home and start the recovery process. 

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...

 Ten minute finishers at the end of workouts are AWESOME and you should be doing them!  Especially if you have limited time for cardio and would like to preserve your hard earned muscle!

Just think about it, say your in the gym lifting weights four days per week. Adding a 10 minute finisher to the end of each of these workouts adds 40 more minutes of cardio to your week! For those striving for the ultimate fat loss this could be the tipping point when coupled with your regular cardio program (regular cardio should be performed separate of heavy weight training).

If the ultimate muscle mass is your goal 10 min finishers are perfect for you too! They don't carry the extra baggage of run of the mill steady state cardio such as...adrenal fatigue, and muscle loss. What they do carry is increased anaerobic capacity (that means more strength, speed, and power) and your body will stay leaner while building that coveted mass!    

Here is an example:

Grab your Tabata timer (there are a ton of free Tabata apps).

Tabata rounds last 4 minutes, which consist of 20 sec work followed by 10 sec rest.

So for a 10 min finisher you will complete 2 1/2 rounds.

The most important part is that your 20 sec work periods MUST be 100% everything you've got!

Work: 20 sec max effort

Rest: 10 sec recover

And repeat for 10 min (2 1/2 4min Tabatas)

So go ahead get creative apply it to biking, sprinting, battle rope, weights or anything else you can think of!

NOW GO OUT AND SLAY THE BEAST!

GOBBLE GOBBLE LET'S DRINK A BUCKET OF GRAVY!

  It's that time of year again, two of the biggest food oriented holidays are upon us! But before you get all excited I must warn you of a highly annoying and obnoxious practice perpetrated by...
"fitness professionals".

  This band of fun hating, soul sucking self loathers (of course I'm excluded from this group, I'm in a much more progressive group of awesomeness) will deal out some of their worst advice of the year, every year, right about now.

  What is this Titanically stupid fitness gospel? It is the majority of the fitness industries stance that you should not stuff yourself until your eyeballs are swimming in gravy, that you should find more healthy alternatives to you prized holiday treats, that everything on your plate is expected to be low fat and sugar free. "Don't go back for seconds" they say.

  Already I can hear the nails on a chalk board dinner conversation about how "I can't eat that, I'm on a Paleo diet". Please do the world a favor... If you hear that last phrase uttered this holiday season, take off your shoe and throw it at the appropriate persons head!

"Why all the hostility Spartacore"?!

  Let me ask you this. How many times have you heard one of these supposed fitness gurus regurgitating statements like "You didn't gain the weight in one day, so don't expect to lose it in one day".

Despite my earlier brow beating, I totally agree with the last statement.

"Bah bah bah duh duh what"?! "You say they are stupid and that you disagree with them, and now you are agreeing with them"?!
        
 I said I agree that you didn't gain the weight in one day and you won't lose it that way either. However I disagree with their belief that thanksgiving should consist of some vegetables thrown in a Jack Lalanne juicer followed by crying yourself to sleep because your family revolted against your ridiculous idea of "self control".

  Just think about it...We are talking about two days. By their own admission these professionals will tell you that no diet was ever won or lost in one day. So why the hell would you torture over a couple scheduled "free meals" during your year? The mental anguish people put themselves through over a few days of good times with family is far more detrimental to your overall health in my estimation. If a couple meals are going to completely derail your entire fitness program, you've got way bigger issues you need to address, so if you are in that boat, I would suggest some serious soul searching my friend.

My one irrefutable rule...

  If you should decide that you are of strong resolve and that you can tackle a pile of potatoes and gravy, rolls, cakes and pies...There is one thing you must know. This doesn't give you a license to eat processed, chemical laden, hormone injected, anti biotic slathered crap! It is never ok to eat garbage!!! If you are going to eat, eat well. meaning? Organic, grass fed, non GMO, no preservatives or ingredients you can't pronounce, and lastly make it yourself!

 Now obviously if you treat every day like thanksgiving...This advice is not for you. But for the rest of us lets roll up our sleeves, forget about fat and sugar and dig in! 

   For those of you not cooking your meals this year, this will be a bit more tricky to get high quality food on your plate. After all, most people don't realize how broken the American food system is. Most still believe that the FDA is vigilantly screening all foods and food additives for safety...Well I'm sorry to tell you that they are not. So for you this will be a delicate operation. You must find a way, without being an obnoxious blow hard to help those who are doing the cooking to get the best ingredients. Offer to buy some items for this culinary extravaganza (I love that word...just say it...extravaganza). 

  If all of this is still not possible, if there's no way to avoid radio active food...Sit down, shut up, say thank you, and eat. You can spend the other 363 days of the year eating food perfection, and maybe next year you can cook or offer to buy the magical holiday bounty yourself.

  Alright I'm done...I must prepare to drink a five gallon bucket of gravy (organic non GMO homemade of course)...there might be some mashed potatoes in there somewhere. 

Cheers!

     
  

MASTER THE ART OF FAILURE!!

  Without a doubt, one of the most precious skills you could ever hope to acquire is mastering the art of failure.

"But Aaron! You have to be a winner to be successful"! 

No you don't. 

"Yes you do"! 

NO...YOU...DON'T!!

  To illustrate that things are almost never what they seem, allow me to introduce to you the sneakiest chef of all time! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our friend the common North American beaver (we will call him Steve). Ok fine beavers don't cook, however they have a lot to do with yummy sweet ice cream, candies and a hole slew of baked goods.

Enter castoreum....

  What is our friend beaver Steve's contribution to all of the aforementioned treats? Vanilla. Yes vanilla, or when derived from the castor sacks of beavers (which are located in the beavers anus), castoreum. 

"Whaaaaaaaaat"?!

  Yep, they use beavers anal juices in vanilla flavoring in some of your scrumptious goodies! 

  Now before the fact check police come beating down my door, understand that I did not say all vanilla flavoring is made this way. I said some vanilla flavoring is made from castoreum...don't believe me? Look it up! 

  The point of all of this is that much like you'd never think juices from a beavers butt have any place in things that taste oh so delicious...Most never stop to realize the value a bitter taste like failure has, thus never realize, that when combined with other ingredients, failure is necessary in the sweet taste of victory and success.

  Don't act like you're not impressed...I mean seriously...connecting achieving goals and beaver butt juice! You're welcome!

  Moving on. I invite you to go research some of the great figures throughout history. Most of these powerful men and women where not thought of as winners at first. Thus the reason I believe being a winner is an end result, not a tool used on your journey to success. What you will find with almost all of them, is a big fat pile of stinking failures on top of failures till they finally reached something absolutely amazing! Take Thomas Edison for example, (who didn't invent the light bulb, but greatly improved it and made it possible to use in homes). Now depending on where you look there will be some discrepancy in how many attempts it actually took Edison to make a successful bulb. However the number always seems to be in the thousands! 

  When was the last time you EVER tried something a thousand times and kept going failure after failure? Probably NEVER! So what the hell goes through the mind of a guy who fails a thousand times? one things for sure...IT AIN'T F@#KING QUITTING!!

The last absolute I will give you is this...

FAILING ISN'T QUITTING, AND QUITTERS SUCK!

  Let me make this real clear. To quit means to renounce or abandon.  Its not that quitters cant, its that they wont...they refuse to try again.

  To fail means you didn't achieve a goal. What you do next is what separates whining stinking quitters from those destined for greatness. The great ones learn from failure. It is a tool to be used..."where did I go wrong? what can I do better next time"? Einstein once said, "You can't solve a problem with the same thinking that created it". This questioning gives birth to the snarling beast of desire! "We don't care what it takes, WE ARE GONNA MAKE THIS SH!T HAPPEN DAMMIT"!
 
And when you do have your victory, how much sweeter is it made by all the blood sweat and tears you poured into it. I mean think about it...walking up a flight of stairs isn't exactly a "Rocky moment". but drag your ass up the side of mount Everest in a wheel chair after five failed attempts, dragging your Sher pa's behind you and...THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD WILL KNOW YOUR NAME.

NOW THAT IS THE KIND OF FAILURE I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW!!

FA LA LA LA LAL INTO STRESS AND MISERY!

    No I'm not a scrooge, on the contrary! I happen to love Christmas! So whats with the tittle? Besides being a diabolical eye catching headline, that has so cleverly trapped you in my web of deception?  Well, it does tie nicely into one of my key points...You are currently working yourself to death to buy garbage! All of this working, buying, and gifting is leaving no time for you!

  Yes you read that correctly, and no, it wasn't sarcasm. Taking time for ones self is rejuvenating and without doing so, you will inevitably burn out, and be of no use to anyone!

  In our crazy fast paced lives it seems that we have become 24 hour creatures. Everything is now now now! We hold those who work endlessly in high regard, believing that's what we all should be doing. We have entire cities who have coined phrases like, "The city that never sleeps".

A quick stroll through the Internet will turn up a billion workout memes with things like..."I will win because I'm in the gym for 24 hours a day, 365 days per year". Or..."When you are sleeping I'm training". 

  This is a completely self destructive outlook on life and will only serve to further destroy life as we know it, (the current state of living in a western culture). Maybe that's a good thing.

 We should not be working, slaving, beating ourselves, and then repeating day after day! 

 So ask yourself, where did this type of thinking come from? In a society built on the back of cheaper, faster, now...I would say look somewhere near the top. In other words, this is something that has been taught to the labor force by greedy bosses and owners trying to squeeze every last drip of productivity out of their workers to increase profits...Eventually this thinking leached it's way into all aspects of life rendering us all robots that literally work from sun up to sun down. 

STOP! JUST STOP!!

Some of the smartest, brightest, and happiest individuals in the world spend hours per day doing things like meditating. How in the hell could that be? The powers that be would call this a worthless practice, a waste of time! After all, your just sitting there doing nothing...or are you??

  I think by now most of us can agree that you don't grow in the gym, you grow at rest. The same applies to your mind and spirit or life force or whatever you want to call it. Constant stimulation and busyness leads to break down. And that ever present enemy of progress...dare I say it...sleep and relaxation, is the only way to heal from this bombardment. 

  Do you want to know what all this 24 hour soul churning back breaking work produces? It produces crap like WalMart. How do you think the goods in there are so cheap? Because they where blasted out of a machine at a million miles per hour by some poor bastard probably working 16 hours per day for a couple bucks. And then shipped all over the place while you sleep, because man they gotta sell it cheap and fast to make a buck! And you need a new pair of shoes because you only have 50 pairs right now. Besides, how are we suppose to buy armloads of presents for everyone we know if things aren't so cheap? 

  Yes it looks as though I've gotten a bit off track with all of this crazy conspiracy ranting however, what I just described, IS what this "work till your dead mindset breeds". It breeds poor quality results in and out of the gym. 

  Our lives where not meant to be spent working 90% of the time followed by gasping for breath for a few short moments, and then repeating, just so we can buy some cheap garbage we don't need. 

  Ok, ok, I'll get to my point now.

Facilitating more rest for you!

1. Stop buying things you don't need!

Why? Because if you aren't wasting all of your money of sh!t, then you don't have to work so damn much, which equals more rest for you. Plus now you will have more time to do what you love!

2. Meditate

Meditating calms the body and mind, reduces stress and helps give you a better outlook in general. You don't need a bunch of statistics and pie charts to figure this one out...TRY IT! And if it doesn't work, send me an angry email. I recommend about 20-30 min of meditation right before bed. Believe me you will sleep like a baby! Furthermore, in the interest of time, (because that's what this whole article is about, and who am I not to streamline this bad boy for all of my patient readers) try combining meditation and stretching. I think ill call it "Streditation". Get it?! Its the words stretch and meditation put together! (crickets) Eeeeeeeeeh ok that was dumb. Some yogi out there is probably screaming at his computer right now while reading my article saying, "You cant stretch and meditate at the same time! that's not how you do it"! Yah well that's how I do it, so deal with it bro!

So put on some meditation music and get into some deep stretching for as long as you like!

3. Stop doing steady state cardio! 

Countless studies have shown that steady state cardio (running or biking) is ineffective at burning fat, tears down muscle, doesn't add to your lifting routine, is bad for your joints, and it takes up a lot of time! Do HIIT ( high intensity interval training) for 15 to 20 min instead. Oh man! I just saved you several hours per week with this tip alone! Yay! More time for you to heel, stretch and de-stress! 

4. Consider a two or three day split for lifting.

If all of the other awesomeness I have bestowed upon you doesn't have you feeling rejuvenated...(as long as your being honest with yourself and are actually taking your rest seriously) consider lifting weights fewer days per week. I have personally had great success lifting as few as two days per week! That being said a program of two days per week will involve only the most gruesome of exercises, scrapping all the fluff and giving every rep hell! Anything that's not a compound movement goes out the window!

5. Tell your friends to shut up!

This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine...I don't care if it's your lifting partner, the front desk person at the gym you frequent, or just people at the gym in general...Tell them to shut up! The gym is not the place for socialization. If it was, it would look like a party....cuz that's what parties are for, Socializing! When was the last time you went to a party and said, "man who put this squat rack in the middle of our party? Oh well, I guess I'll lean against this and talk to my friends". I guarantee if you do make a habit of this kind of behavior in your gym, there's an angry gorilla staring you down from a corner, that probably wants to kill you for taking up equipment, while he tries to work around you and your buddy who can't seem to shut up and workout.

Yes I went a little crazy there for a second, but it needed to be said, and it does involve our subject matter...Creating more time for you. How? Because if you'd shut up and workout more efficiently your workouts would be FAR shorter. That means much more time for all the above mentioned tips that you have probably been rolling your eyes at saying, "Who has time for all this stretching and quiet soul searching"?! Answer: YOU DO! NOW THAT I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY DE CLUTTERED YOUR SCHEDULE!

6. Have an outlet

  Maybe you should write an angry blog about stuff that pisses you off, while delivering comic relief combined with some exceptional advice....

  Oooooh man I'm feeling relaxed and stress free!

 I know Steve...I'm some kind of time wizard, magically zapping time back into my readers days...spreading rest and happiness throughout the interwebs!