TRAIN LIKE A GIRL TO LOOK LIKE A BEAST!

Without a doubt, the most flawed workout routine trophy has to go to the guys. I say this because of how imbalanced and non holistically most guys approach their training plan. What should be a well thought out routine looks more like, well...I think it's best if you imagine a caveman voice here..."must lift weights, cardio bad, stretching for girls". Rarely will you see one of these knuckle draggers warm up, do any sort of cardio, and there isn't a cool down in sight. After all, that stuff is useless right? All you need is to lift heavy weights to get big right? Defiantly not!

Let's dissect this a little...

Why your crap routine won't get you bigger.

1. The warm up

Without a proper warm up, your body isn't ready and optimized to pickup heavy S#?t. Imagine me coming to your cave (you are a caveman) and ripping the woolly mammoth hide off of you as you dream of hunting tera dactyls, throwing a rock into your hands (there are no barbells yet...remember your a caveman)

and expecting you to perform rep after rep of rock military presses. This would suck and I guarantee, you wouldn't be at your best...but that's what you are asking your body to do when you don't properly warm up. You won't be able to consistently add weight or give your working sets total focus. so you don't get bigger or stronger.

2. Stretching

Somewhere along the way some idiot decided that stretching was girly and annoying, and passed this idea to all of his buddies. What does stretching have to do with building muscle? Besides preventing injury...it helps restore tight muscles to their proper length. This is important because of reciprocal inhibition. What the hell is that? Your muscles work together to produce movement in the body. When one muscle is contracting, it causes the opposing muscle to relax (reciprocal imhibition). When a muscle is shortened from over use and a lack of stretching it causes what's know as an altered length tension relationship. Oh man this is getting way too sciencey...calm down, I'll give you a simple illustration. Imagine this conversation between the biceps and triceps:

Biceps- "Hey triceps, would you mind chillin out for awhile? I'm trying to work here".

Triceps- "Sure thing biceps...I'll just go take a nap, let me know when you're done".

Except here's the problem, the Triceps will always think the biceps is still working because the biceps is shortened and in a constant state of semi contraction  due to over use and lack of stretching. This leads to terrible performance and poor strength. 

Now do you see why stretching will make you stronger??

3. Cardio

Yes cardio. Even if your goal is to get huge and as strong as possible...you need to do cardio. Cardio will help you recover quicker from sets, make your body better at using nutrients and help optimize hormones in your body, IF you do the right cardio...get familiar with this acronym HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training). HIIT can be performed with any kind of traditional routine, you just have to make a few tweaks. Generally HIIT sessions are no longer than 20 minutes, and are a series of short bursts of maximum effort (maybe 1 min) followed by a short break (something like 30 sec). The work and rest intervals should evolve with your fitness level. Get it? I said evolve and this hole time I've been talking about cavemen...oh never mind...

4. Cool down

Ok Grug (your name is Grug because you're a caveman remember? And besides I can't call you Steve...that's a ridiculous name for a caveman) you're all done with your last set, drop the rocks (weights) and wander back to your cave right? No way man...I just spent several minutes telling you all about shortening muscles from over work and lack of stretch remember? You just spent an hour pounding your muscles into submission, now it's time to get everybody (muscles) back where they belong at their proper length. Optimally you would spend 30min or so just stretching and foam rolling but most people don't have the time for that. Here is what I normally do...After I workout I spend about 5 min cooling down and another 5 min stretching and foam rolling.  Then I take 30 min before bed to really get some time in stretching and foam rolling. Now I'm not going to get into how to stretch or foam roll...that's a hole other article by it self and there are plenty of videos out there at your finger tips. I would suggest checking out Elliott Hulse he has what seems like an endless supply of you tube videos. 

Here is an overview of what your program would look like.

• Warm up about ten to fifteen min, including stretching.

• Now it's time to lift weights

• Cool down 10-15 min, include stretching and foam rolling

• I prefer to do cardio separate from my weight lifting because that way, I can give it 100% effort. 

• 30 min before bed stretch and foam roll. Do this every night if possible. 

So the reason you need to lift like a girl to become a beast? Because girls more commonly incorporate warm ups, cardio, stretching, and cool downs as part of their routine. And if you apply these same methods with a solid weight program, you will separate  yourself from all the other guys at your gym that look the same as the day they walked in.

YOUR LACK OF SQUAT RUINING YOUR ABILITY TO SQUAT (ON THE TOILET)

Before you read this article, you may want to go watch National Geographic for a minute. Or just dig through your memory bank of really old indigenous guys squatted around a camp fire. Where am I going with this? Just picture him (we will call him Steve...a very indigenous name, I know) squatted down with his ass resting on his heels. Do you think every time he gets up he goes "oh man my knees are killing me...I gotta stop sitting like this". I don't think so! Because if it was causing him pain, I seriously doubt he would do it day after campfire sitting day. And how do you think Steve goes to the bathroom?? I'll give you a hint...he doesn't grab the Sunday paper and stroll off to the bathroom where he sits with a 90 degree bend in his legs on a toilet. So what does Steve do?? He wanders off into the jungle and finds a nice place to squat...again with his glutenous Maximus resting against or somewhere near his heels. Again you ask, "WHERE are you going with this"? I'm sure you know someone who has said this or maybe you've uttered this sacrilege..."I don't do squats man, those ruin you knees", or "you should never go below parallel when squatting". If you believe this, you probably also believe that the world is flat. These statements are complete bro science, spoken by guys with terrible muscular imbalances, bad technique and I doubt a good stretching and soft tissue rehab routine is part of their gym time. So I've already established that deep squats are natural and safe. Let's move forward to the next question...

Why should you be doing squats?

1. If you have any interest in building muscle, strength, better athletic performance, weight loss or better posture. YOU SHOULD BE SQUATTING! 

2. There is a much greater hormonal response from compound movements (squats, deadlifts, bench press, barbell rows) which creates a better environment in your body for muscle building, strength and fat loss.

3. With compound movements the whole muscular system is involved in the movement, this not only produces much more natural movements but is also way more time efficient that wandering from machine to machine, slogging away at one muscle at a time for hours on end.

4. Possibly one of the most overlooked and the reason for the title of this article is, squats help you physiologically. When you you get down into that deep squat, that we have all but abandoned in modern life, it helps facilitate Imbibition which is essentially your thighs massaging your Colon allowing water and nutrients to be extracted from your poop. Yes I just said poop...let's all giggle. But seriously, if you value digestion you need to squat deep. Our modern style of living wreaks all kinds of havoc on the digestive system and this is just a small part of that, but trust me, it is effecting your digestion. Shallow squats don't work for taking a dump and they don't work for building muscle either!

Now don't get me wrong...if you have knee problems, muscular imbalances or injuries that are preventing you from squatting, YOU SHOULD NOT just dive into deep squats haphazardly, YOU WILL INJURE YOURSELF FURTHER! You need the help of a qualified professional who can assist in your rehabilitation.

If you are already squatting, but doing those silly little 1/4 squats and not going anywhere near parallel...pull a lot of weight off the bar...I'm talking 50% of what you normally squat or more, and start really going deep, I'm talkin Steve sitting around the camp fire deep!

In conclusion, squat deep, squat frequently and don't listen to anyone who says otherwise.

TAKE YOUR SCALE AND SMASH IN WITH A HAMMER!

What is your relationship like with your scale? How often do you find yourself crawling on top of that platform of misery, only to be disappointed by the number staring back at you? Twice per week? Once per day? I'm telling you right now, JUST STOP IT! This kind of obsessive behavior is not only depressing when you don't see the number you want... it's also completely counter productive to achieving your goals. You see, that measuring device that so coldly deals out its judgments to every soul who dares heft themselves upon its cold, sleek exterior, paints a very bleary and deceptive picture of what is actually going on. Let me illustrate... Meet Steve, my imaginary volunteer for this topic. Steve gets on the scale to decide his fitness level, health, and generally how good he looks. The scale reads 225 lbs. with no other information, is Steve overweight, just right, or a muscle bound bodybuilder? After all, 225lbs at 7% body fat is a hell of a lot different than 225lbs at 25% body fat". "but that's easy" you say... "I could tell by looking at him which one he is." Awe but you see most people are determining their health, self image, social ranking, and fitness level completely on this one device...their body image is skewed when they look in the mirror because all they can think about are the numbers, and most people will never take the time to have a proper body fat analysis done or do circumference measurements. The scale is a tool that is meant to be used in conjunction with other forms of measurement, it's a very small piece of the puzzle when it comes to knowing where you are at, and deciding where you want to go. The other major flaw in weighing one's self too often is that body weight can fluctuate several pounds in a 24 hour period, causing people to take drastic measures when they see an extra pound or two...they start exercising like mad or cutting calories to such levels that it slows their metabolism to a crawl. If that weren't enough, the mental stress of all of this wreaks havoc throughout the body leading to more fat gain. So what can you do?

1. Weigh yourself to get a baseline of where you are at. After that, weigh in a maximum of ONCE
     per week.

2. Have your body fat measured. The water displacement test is the most accurate, however a 
    qualified professional will get you pretty close with skin fold calipers.
    Most of scales that say they can measure body fat% aren't reliable, so don't waste your time
    with them.

3. Take some good pictures of yourself that you can compare at a later date.

4. Pay attention to how your clothes fit. This is often one of the first things you'll notice.

5. If you are in need of some diet help, here is the meal plan I follow.
    http://spartacore.rbc31f.hop.clickbank.net/

So after you have read this, if you think you may be a scale abuser and you don't think you can control your dysfunctional scale relationship...SMASH THAT SCALE WITH A HAMMER!